


Azirahog

by Pycts



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:07:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27353203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pycts/pseuds/Pycts
Summary: Imagine your dreams came true... What did you dream last night?
Relationships: Anathema Device/Newton Pulsifer, Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), The Them & Adam Young (Good Omens)
Kudos: 2





	Azirahog

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this makes someone smile.
> 
> I apologise for any inconsistencies in style and spelling and really, really hope the darned footnotes work.

Azirahog

Armageddeon had been called off by a small boy with a very human heart and the Principality Aziraphale had spent large chunks of the time since reading some of the new volumes he'd found in his shop. It was taking him a while as he was re-reading old favourites in between each new book. He'd been worried that the books would feel different, but they were as he remembered them including the stains and little bits of damaged they'd attained over the years. It was as if Adam had picked up the shop before it was burned and dropped it into place during the reset.

Adam himself wasn't sure what he'd done, they'd had a short conversation about it a week or two ago at Jasmine Cottage. Aziraphale wasn't quite sure how long ago it was, he wasn't even sure what day it was with all the reading he was doing but he couldn't have been at it that long this time or Crowley would have been round to see him. With that thought foremost in his mind Aziraphale decided it would be a good idea to tidy the back room a bit and do the dishes before the started piling up, he liked doing them the human way (unless he'd left them long enough that they looked like science experiments) and he was sure they'd been done fairly recently as he could only find 4 mugs lying out, two of them were still half full and the other two he'd actually finished although he suspected at least one of them had been stone cold when he'd drank the last of it. He made himself a nice mug of cocoa as he did the dishes, washing the pan when he was done. Feeling quite pleased with himself he picked up his mug and went back to his book. He leaned over his desk so he could put his angel wing mug near the back where he wouldn't knock it over while he settled himself and moved his books around. He was reaching for his spectacles as he straightened when his perspective shifted, suddenly he was standing on the book on his desk, all four paws feeling the strangeness of the paper under them, wait paws?

In an untidy bedroom in Tadfield, Oxfordshire a small boy smiled in his sleep and turned to cuddle his dog.

Aziraphale felt slightly put out, he wasn't entirely sure what had happened, but it hadn't felt like divine or hellish retribution so he wasn't going to panic. He was rather put out at the fact he couldn't shift back, he could feel the power he would need to do it, but it was like it was in a bubble he couldn't get into. He wasn't even sure what he was, he was obviously some kind of small animal, but more accurate than that was anyone's guess. He wished he could see himself, wished he had a mirror or something. He blinked and, suddenly, there in front of him was a compact mirror, hinged open so he could look into it. He was relieved that it seemed he still had access to his powers albeit in a restricted capacity as he was fairly certain he'd be in a lot of trouble without them. He was about to move to a place where he could use the mirror when the sound of an early morning commuter slamming their car door startled him and he found himself reflexively curling into a ball. Once he calmed himself down he used the mirror to confirm his suspicions that the creature he had been transformed into was a hedgehog. He miracled the mirror into his desk drawer and carefully stepped off the book he had been standing on. He really wasn't sure what he should do next, the limitations on his powers ruled a lot of things out and he wasn't sure if Crowley would be coming over today and even if he were it probably wouldn't be until around lunchtime.

Form shapes nature, hedgehogs are mostly nocturnal and the sun was starting to rise. Luckily angels are less malleable than hellhounds, who's make up is designed to be altered by their naming, but Aziraphale had been on edge for the best part of six thousand years over one thing or another and this form was tempting him to sleep so he miracled up a hedgehog sized shelter on an empty patch of desk, making sure the exit pointed away from any light sources, and shuffled inside to doze off.

When Crowley arrived at the bookshop it was obviously closed, he tried the door and found it locked, which was unusual[1] but not an obstacle. As he stepped over the threshold he noticed the lights on in the backroom where they generally wouldn't be seen from the outside. He grinned to himself wondering how long Aziraphale had been reading this time and if he could be tempted to a spot of lunch.[2]

'Hey Angel, tempt you to a spot of lunch?' he called out.

There was no reply. Crowley tried not to read too much into it, maybe he'd stepped out for a bit or was so thoroughly engrossed in his reading he'd tuned out the world. He'd done that at least once, Crowley had found him with a thin layer of dust coating him and a cup of what he assumed had been cocoa that wouldn't have looked out of place Down There. As he moved into the back room he tested the air, there were no scents of divinity other than Aziraphale and nothing Hellish that he hadn't brought with him. There was a curious scent he couldn't place, something vaguely animalistic but the traces were very faint. He followed the curious scent to Aziraphale's desk and found a full cup of cocoa and what appeared to be some kind of shelter had the unknown scent coming from it. Crowley knew that nothing could willingly induce Aziraphale to leave an animal and a full mug of cocoa on his desk with his books, so he must be nearby. Touching the mug and finding it cold he tried not to panic.

'Aziraphale, where on Earth are you?' he shouted, not caring if he startled the creature that was sheltering on Aziraphale's desk.

A sudden noise from under the shelter had Crowley snatching the item up and he stared incredulous as the small creature peering myopically at him, legs waving in the air. He heard Aziraphale say,' There is no need to shout, I was dozing,' and looked round in confusion for the Angel. 'Oh for heav..., I'm down here, Crowley', he grumbled. Crowley looked down at the desk where a hedgehog was trying to right itself. 'A little help if you would? I don't seem to have quite got the hang of this yet,' the hedgehog said.

Crowley stared. 'Aziraphale?' he asked his voice sounding strangled. 'Oh for goodness sake,' Aziraphale groused and was suddenly standing on all four paws. 'Yes, it's me, I'm not entirely sure what happened but I don't think it's divine, or hellish either.' Crowley just stood there, shelter in hand, staring. Then he asked again, 'Aziraphale?' Crowley was fairly certain the hedgehog rolled it's eyes at him, he wasn't sure if hedgehogs could do that but he knew Aziraphale could and did. 'What is your problem, Crowley?' Aziraphale asked. 'You're a hedgehog,' Crowley said, it might have been a question given the way his voiced raised at the end. 'I'm not having some strange Beatrix Potter themed dream am I?' he asked. Aziraphale's reply was very clipped, 'I shall be most put out if you call me Mrs Tiggy-winkle.' Crowley started to laugh.

It took Crowley the best part of an hour to stop laughing. The first time he paused, Aziraphale had asked, 'Are you quite done?' in the tone he usually used on his most unwelcome customers and Crowley was off again. He'd eventually ended up sitting in Aziraphale's chair, helpless with laughter while Aziraphale attempted to glare at him. Crowley was sure there were some hedgehogs out there that had mastered looking grumpy or annoyed but Aziraphale was not one of them. Once he finally got control of himself, Crowley miracled up a box and put the small structure he'd been clutching the whole time in it. He approached the desk and reached a hand towards Aziraphale. He paused when Aziraphale asked, 'What do you think you are doing, Crowley?' 'Picking you up,' he replied, 'it's a little more literal than usual, but I figured we need to take a little trip to Tadfield. If our former sides didn't have a hand in this then there is really only one person who might have done it so we're going to have to go and have a word with Adam about it being impolite to turn people into small animals.' 'Oh dear,' Aziraphale said, 'can't we just call him?' 'And say what?' Crowley retorted as he carefully placed Aziraphale in the box, 'I'm pretty sure his father wont let us to to him, even if we did have his number.' 'It's Tadfield 046666,' Aziraphale informed him. Crowley could feel the laughter bubbling up inside himself again and had to take a moment to make sure he had it under control. 'I still don't think his father is going to let his son talk to some random guy on the phone so I figure we drive out to Tadfield, have a word with Book Girl and her boy and see if she can get Adam over to help.' 'Just how many people do you intend to let see me like this, Crowley?' The penny dropped for Crowley, Aziraphale was embarrassed, possibly expecting to be ridiculed over his current predicament. Crowley's tone softened, 'I figure Book Girl, her boy and the kids will be the only ones to see you, if Adam's alone when we find him it'll just be three people. They wont make fun of you Aziraphale and I wont let any of them touch you unless you say it's alright.' Crowley isn't entirely sure Aziraphale is convinced, but he's no longer arguing or shifting restlessly in the box so he exits the store holding the box carefully and opens the passenger door of his car with a quick miracle. He places the box in the foot well with great care, making sure it's not going to move with a small miracle and gets ready for the trip by digging out a fresh CD of Mozart.

Crowley drove to Oxfordshire at a relatively sedate pace, barely going over the speed limit and actually slowing down as he went round corners and bends. He arrived at Jasmine Cottage and practically threw himself out of the car, he carefully retrieved the box and quickly sauntered up to the door. He hadn't even had a chance to knock when the door opened to reveal an irritated looking occultist. 'Book Girl,' he greeted her with false cheer, 'just the woman I wanted to see.' Anathema glared at him slightly 'I was trying to meditate when you came roaring up. What do you want?'

'I need a favour, it's Aziraphale,' he said as he wandered in and through to the kitchen without an invite.[3] 'Why don't you come in,' Anathema snarked, 'make yourself at home.' 'Don't mind if I do,' Crowley answered, smirking at her. Anathema decided she wasn't going to win this one and the quicker she found out what Crowley wanted the quicker she could go wake Newton who'd fallen asleep during mediation - again. 'You want a favour?' she enquired pointedly. Crowley placed the box he was carrying on a shaded part of the table and carefully removed the small structure from it. Anathema recognised it from a wildlife show she'd watched a few weeks back, it was a hedgehog shelter or something similar. She peered into the box and saw a pale coloured hedgehog peering back at her. 'I need help with Aziraphale,' Crowley said. 'You named a hedgehog after your friend?' she asked. 'No, this is Aziraphale,' he replied, 'tell her, Angel.' She looked at the hedgehog who gazed myopically, back blinking sleepily. Anathema looked sharply at Crowley, 'I'm not sure what you are playing at, demon, but I'm not in the mood.' She would have continued but Newton stumbled into the kitchen, yawning and moving to put the kettle on mostly on autopilot. After he'd taken a mug out of the cupboard he finally realised he had an audience of more than his girlfriend and tried to discretely check he was fully dressed. He wasn't very successful and he could feel Crowley grinning at him without even looking. Desperate to take attention off himself he leaned over the box asking, 'What have you got their?' Nobody bothered to answer him. 'Cute hedgehog,' he said, 'you've got to be careful of the fleas if you are handling them,' he added. He almost passed out when the hedgehog answered him in an exceptionally snippy and offended tone, 'I do NOT have fleas, young man!' Anathema blinked several times before focusing her sight and addressing her question to the hedgehog while trying not to feel ridiculous, 'Aziraphale?' 'Yes,' the small creature replied 'and please, no Beatrix Potter references, I've had quite enough of those on my journey here.' Crowley actually managed to look a tad guilty at that. Her sight confirmed what she'd been told and Anathema decided not to ask more about the journey.

She was trying to figure out what the demon expected her to do that he or the angel couldn't when Newton asked, 'Why are you a hedgehog?' It was Crowley who answered, 'We're not sure, we suspect Adam had something to do with it.' Anathema looked like she was about to protest when her face feel and she grabbed her tablet, Newton took a step back automatically as she fiddled with it. 'Adam e-mailed me this, yesterday, his sister[4] shared it with him,' she said as she held the tablet out for Crowley to see. 'What is it, Crowley?'Aziraphale demanded, 'It's a hedgehog with darker colouring than yours standing on a book with a pair of glasses resting on the book beside it,' he replied.[5] 'Oh dear,' Aziraphale responded, 'That's pretty much how I found myself this morning, I'm just glad I didn't knock over my mug.' 'So Adam IS behind this,' Crowley said. 'I thought he was human now,' Anathema interjected, 'So did we, Book Girl,' was Crowley's response. 'Let me see if I can get hold of him, I just wish I had his phone number, it would be faster to call him than hope he's on the computer on a day like this,' Anathema's voice was fretful, having a slightly on edge demon in your kitchen is not entirely good for one's nerves. 'It's Tadfield 046 triple six,' the hedgehog piped up. While Anathema went to make the call, Newton finished making his coffee and offered Crowley a drink before addressing Aziraphale, 'I'd offer you something, but I'm not sure what your body could handle, so it would only be water,' he said apologetically. Aziraphale demurred far more gracefully than Crowley had.

'He's out in Hogback Woods with the Them,' Anathema told them as she came back into the kitchen. 'I think I know where to find them,' she continued, 'but it would be faster if there was more than just me looking.' 'I'll stay here with Aziraphale if you don't mind - or even if you do, I'm not taking him out of here and I'm not leaving him alone, 'sides getting past that horseshoe stings a bit.' Newton and Anathema got their coats and shoes and swiftly left. Crowley was left with Aziraphale and not knowing what to do with himself started pacing. It took Aziraphale a good five minutes to persuade Crowley to sit down and relax, but he eventually managed to distract his demon by asking what his plans had been for the day. The had been talking for about half an hour when they heard the sound of a group of people approaching. As the group entered the cottage, Crowley and Aziraphale could hear the tail end of a conversation that gave the impression of having been going on for a while. 'There is no poison ivy in England,' Anathema told Newton with the air of someone who had been repeating the same statement in various iterations for at least ten minutes. 'He probably got into the stinging nettles,' Pepper piped up, Brian and Wensleydale used to end up in them all the time when they scuffled until they started paying more attention to their surroundings'. Brian grinned, but Wensleydale looked a little put out at having it brought up, but he joined the conversation anyway, 'Yes, actually, nettle stings are really quite painful.' 'I'm sure Aziraphale will be able to take care of that once everything is back to normal,' Crowley said, hoping to focus things where they needed to be, namely his hedgehog shaped best friend. 'Oh is Aziraphale here too?' Pepper asked sounding exceedingly cheerful, 'I wanted to ask him some questions about religion. My Religious Studies teacher is meant to be teaching us about various belief systems but they focus heavily on Christianity and only the more palatable, praiseworthy, bits at that. I was hoping he'd be able to help me get a more accurate picture of religion through the ages.' 'My dear girl, you do realise that as an angel of the Lord I bore witness to Adam and Eve's exile from Eden and the execution of the Son of God, not to mention you have the Serpent of Eden practically glaring at you right now.' Crowley pulled a face, he was getting more frustrated with each delay but knew there was no way on earth Aziraphale could know that unless... Crowley looked into the box and in the corner was a miniature flat screen tv looking remarkably like a dolls house toy except it showed an image of the kitchen. The children gathered round the box to try to figure out where the voice had come from and saw a pale coloured hedgehog who appeared to be watching them on a tiny tv screen. Adam was the one who broke the silence, 'Why are you a hedgehog, Mr Fell?' he asked.

Crowley sat down at the table, laid his head on his hands and started to laugh. While the other children look worriedly at Crowley, Adam continued talking to Aziraphale, 'I dreamed you were a hedgehog last night, funny you turning up today as...' he trailed off. 'Oh.' 'Yes, quite,' Aziraphale responded. 'Now if Crowley has quite finished having hysterics, perhaps we can remedy my predicament?'

In the end it took a ridiculously short time to fix things, Anathema shooed everyone except Adam, Crowley and Aziraphale out of the kitchen and Crowley carefully took Aziraphale out of the box and placed him on the floor. There was an odd noise and a slight displacement of air as Aziraphale grew and transformed, he shuddered slightly afterwards. 'Well, I'm glad that's done with,' he said. Crowley was all for leaving immediately, but Aziraphale insisted on dealing with Newton's stinging nettle rash and having a chat with Pepper and the others first. Crowley contributed some of the less nice (but relatively child friendly) facts about Christianity and pointed out the similarities in various religions with Aziraphale correcting him where necessary. They both promised to come visit the next weekend and spend some time with Adam and the others, who promised to call Aziraphale or Anathema if he had more potentially reality rearranging dreams.

They eventually took their leave after watching the Them take off at top speed on their bikes to get some more time in the woods before tea. They left the hedgehog shelter in the garden where it might see some use and were just about to get in the car when Aziraphale as overcome by a huge yawn. That set Crowley off and for a full minute they were just yawning at each other. Aziraphale recovered first and settled himself in the car, remarking 'Goodness, that's never happened before. I suddenly feel like I would like to try sleeping properly. Perhaps you could help me with that, Crowley - make sure I'm doing things right? If you wouldn't mind spending the night with me and giving me advice if I'm having trouble, or maybe a demonstration?' Crowley stared at him for a moment before starting the car and if he drove then home faster than usual, Aziraphale declined to comment on it.

**Author's Note:**

> 1Crowley generally expected the bookshop to be open to him whenever he arrived, so it generally obliged.[return to text]
> 
> 2He'd been popping over as much as once or twice a week since the world hadn't ended (he didn't want to crowd Aziraphale but since both sides were aware of their connection now there was no reason to space out their time together as much as in the past.[return to text]
> 
> 3The poor horseshoe above the door burned so hot it almost melted and then decided Crowley wasn't going to harm anyone so cooled rapidly.[return to text]
> 
> 4Adam's sister is mentioned in the book but never referred to directly so I'm assuming she's at college or working outside the village and keeps in contact with her little brother through email.[return to text]
> 
> 5The picture https://twitter.com/daily__hedgehog/status/1298204628979453955[return to text]


End file.
